I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.Īl Czervik: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.Īl Czervik: Orange balls! Hey, I'll have a box of those.give me a box of those naked lady tee's, and give me two of those.and give me six of those.aww this is the worst looking hat I ever saw.you buy a hat like this and you get a free bowl of soup. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.Īl Czervik: Hey, doll. Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.Īl Czervik: You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?Īl Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. I'm trying to tee off.Īl Czervik: I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods. Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.Īl Czervik: What're we, waiting for these guys? Hey Whitey, where's your hat? I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself. Judge Smails:: You know, you should play with Dr. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. Ty Webb: I'm going to give you a little advice. Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers? Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today? Pond be good for you.Ĭarl Spackler: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion. This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. And he's got a.it looks like he's got a eight iron. Turns his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.Ĭarl Spackler: He's a Cinderella boy. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga gunga - gunga galunga. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.Ĭarl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. And that's all she wrote.Ĭarl Spackler: This is a hybrid. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. We don't even have to have a reason.Ĭarl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Sandy MacReedy: Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!Ĭarl Spackler: We can do that. Sandy MacReedy: I want you to kill every gopher on the course.Ĭarl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key. South Georgia & South Sandwich Islands (USD $).
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